did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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