if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dear god my vagina.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
