i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I did not marry a roomba.
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