So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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