omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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