A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
