I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
