dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
