I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
