We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize