soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
