how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize