Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
