i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
