Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
