Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
