she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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