i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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