5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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