I just saw a hot homeless man
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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