Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
