Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
