***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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