So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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