You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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