We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
