why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
