It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
