So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
