So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
