Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
