I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
