he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
