my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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