there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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