alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
