Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize