She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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