:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
