He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
