When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
