If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
