I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize