so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
