You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
