did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
