I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
