ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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