I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
