so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize