Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
