Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
