Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
