giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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