Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
