I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
