What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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