Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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