Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
