exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
