I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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