Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
