She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
