chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
