I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
