i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
