Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My friends, they love my intelligence
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
